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Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

George — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 08:03:52 -0000

Women are evil and sadistic. That's really all their is. If they didn't have pussies they wouldn't be worth talking to.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Dan — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 12:03:52 -0000

I agreed with everything you said except for the last paragraph. You don't have to attract a mate through "sheer force of masculine character." Emotions are fickle and easily confused. It is common to associate emotional pain with love, something I call Dawson's Creek Syndrome, and believe that you cannot be emotionally satisfied without also being emotionally distraught. Obviously this isn't true, but the two feelings are so often associated with each other that it's an easy confusion to make.

As you said, women want men who don't HAVE to be nice to them to be nice to them. More often than not, they've associated men who treat them poorly as being of higher stature than they are. Ergo, I would argue that at least 1 out of every 3 times, you can treat a woman like crap, and she'll grovel at your feet. No need to be all that masculine, actually.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Cris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:21:06 -0000

I thought about this for many years and came up with a different solution.

Women like guys who are _nice to them_, while simultaneously being a jerk to other women.

You see a nice guy is nice to me, and nice to other women, so I'm nothing special. A true jerk is always a jerk, so I'm nothing special. But a full time jerk, who is rude to everyone, but then suddenly nice to me, means that I must be _special_.

Think about it. You see a hot girl, dating a complete jerk. But he's only a jerk to you and everyone else. To her he's slightly less a jerk...

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

name — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:22:19 -0000

Daniel Miessler [virgin].

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Mr. Obvious — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:53:02 -0000

Just let me put the facts together. You couldn't get a date so you gave up and then some time later you married the first girl who asked you out...and here's the kicker...you don't really like women anyway.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

biker dude — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:37:08 -0000

so true!!! the main ting is when talking to girls treat them like they are your friends hide your feelings and dont ever tell you like here. once you had her say it but not every day. a man's word is his property dont give it away for free...

it kind of helps to be seen with cool people have cool things. bling bling like a bike ;-)

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Teri B — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:34:59 -0000

Not really. I find traditional alpha male factors: physical size, money, power--a rather huge turn off. That said, I don't care for "nice guys" (in quotes) either. Heartless Bitches International has it best (http://www.heartless-bitche..., it's not about not being nice, it's about having a personality. This article is indeed right about not being a doormat, having a spine, and not groveling being important, but there's no need to be alpha. Just have something ELSE going for you in addition to being "nice"--be witty, be charming, be funny, be able to *contribute* to our mutual social interaction and enjoyment please. Be someone we'd want to be around, in general. Engage us in entertaining banter, tease us, interest us, etc--you can do all that and still be nice.

Not a lot of guys would want a doormat nice girl either, who has no personality other than sniveling after whatever guy has caught her fancy.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Juliet Burgess — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:28:51 -0000

I love it when men generalize like this. "Women like powerful men to be nice to them."

GFY. Women like respect and honesty. People can sense when you're playing mind-games, trying to figure how to be the person someone else could possibly want, rather than just being yourself.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

rob — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:55:35 -0000

The niceness approach is never going to work on a woman that has a low opinion of herself. The inner voice seeks validation in the external world, and so whatever opinions the individual holds of herself she looks for confirmation in the ways others treat her, especially men. The reason why A LOT (not all, though) of women end up with (and stay with) men that treat them terribly is because their men validate their own low self-esteem. And the mind always seeks harmony with its own views, even in dysfunction. It makes a lot of sense when you consider the media barrage of impossibly thin, physically flawless models that bear little to no resemblance to actual human women. Given the saturation of these types of images, it's little surprise that many women have such issues with self-image.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Smithy — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:45:45 -0000

Ah women... I have always been a nice guy. A few months ago my friends and I started hanging out with this chick. So I decided to try out the bad boy approach. Whenever she trying talking to me I turn around and struck up a conversation with my friend, I ignored her as if she wasn't there, I never spoke a word to her except to say what she thinks or does is dumb. The more I ignored her, the more she wanted to talk to me, she called me out to go to coffee and so on (I didn't go of course, I told her I have better things to do). I mean I was really brutal towards this girl. Now I came up with two possible answers. She is too stupid to take a hint and piss off (which I don't believe is the case since she is pretty smart), or she loves the challenge. Too bad I have I'm in a relationship. Cause if I wasn't... I would totally do her.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Nice Guy — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:37:57 -0000

I beg to differ - women want men they think look good in bed. You look good, you'll get laid - nice or not.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

David Turley — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 09:44:46 -0000

I'm in the military. what you are saying is like leading in the Army. When I went to Basic Training, the Drill Sergeants were tough on us in the begining but became more relaxed, more open to the recruits towards the end. I think this is what you mean. You can't be super nice to someone that you just met, unless you work in sales.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Chainsaw lord — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:45:44 -0000

I give women the dirty sanchez....the smell of poo attracts even more hoes.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jeff Barlow — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:23:49 -0000

Great take on the Nice Guy conundrum. Thanks for the good site-drops here as well. Here's one I didn't see listed, www.learnwomen.com.

Cheers

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

R. — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:10:04 -0000

The 'nice guy' conundrum is utterly fascinating to me, in a sort of observe-it-from-a-safe-distance train-wreck kind of way.

What I also find fascinating is that this post is tagged:
Musings
Psychology
Science
Sex
women

But not 'Men' or 'Male Behaviour' -- which is the topic of the above very well-written post [it almost gives me hope].

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Morse Code — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:59:30 -0000

The problem of the nice guy it obvious, he represses his hormones&instinctive needs and tryes to make up for that with cordiality and submissive behaviour. Which results in a perfect friend but not in somebody that is able to, even for a short period let his urges dominate both. For a nice guy to succeed, he will have to let free all of his desires in order of true passion to arise. This is why women get bored, and fall for the wrong bad ones, the ones with no viceral inhibitions. It might sound a bit utopic, but the main point is, a realation is deemed to fail, if you, not even at one point, are dominant to your partner.... (obviously you need common sense to not rape your partner)

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Mike Paahana — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 19:21:18 -0000

eh if u be nicwe guy and den ask 4 sex its so easy some times no sometimes yes but what u get 4 looose

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jim — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 07:41:12 -0000

Another factor that hasn't had much metion here: Age. YOUNG women are still obeying the instinct that tells them to hook up with The Toughest Caveman In The Cave, so that they'll be protected & fed. Later in life, the "Nice Guys" pull ahead. Believe me, "later in life" comes up fast...

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Trey Parasuco — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:19:16 -0000

Hey people, I'm Trey and I'm studying engineering at NYU. It's kinda weird living in NYC because apparently the whole macho suburban frat/sorority mentality is undesired, unwelcome, and even ostracized in NYC. You might feel like you're at the top of the food chain being in a frat or sorority in a small suburban college town, but here in NYC you're the bottom rung on the social ladder. All the girls around here tend to value things like cultural and musical knowledge, creativity, intelligent and wit, only go for super-skinny tight-pants-wearing artsy guys with long shaggy hair...and not guys like me unfortunately. According to this news article ( http://gawker.com/news/jeze... ), only the "most whorey" of girls go for muscular dudes. In NYC, skinny is in, muscle is out. From my experience, girls here don't like beefy guys. I've never heard so many girls tell me things like "Sorry, you're totally not my type" or "Guys like you totally ruin the scene" until I moved here. As a warning to all you frat boys, as a single guy you'll have a hard meeting girls in this city because all the values and ideals here are a complete 180 of what you are used to in the suburbs and college towns. Oh, and if you wanna meet skinny blonde sorority girls with long straight flat-ironed hair, good luck finding them because all the attractive girls sport dyed-black choppy messy shaggy hair, dress like lesbians, act like feminists, and listen to bands you've never heard of...and that's the way NYC boys like them apparently. The types of people who wear brands such as Abercrombie, American Eagle, and Hollister are seen as culturally backwards, cheesy, and decidedly uncool by the cultured and hip. Tight jeans, shaggy hair, and rockstar good looks is the chick magnet here, not that "fancy car" that you have in the suburbs. It is intelligence, culture, and style that rule in this city, and not suburban herd-mentality conformism, muscle and might. NYC is a city of liberal-arts hipsters that pioneer the social and cultural evolution of the rest of the country. It is not for those who like to stick to traditional and old ways. If you're not hip enough to survive here, then don't move here.

All of you frat boys should watch these YouTube videos http://www.youtube.com/watc... and http://www.youtube.com/watc... to fully understand what it takes to get the girls in this city.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Dude — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 21:10:52 -0000

We live in a Country where the man not only has to provide stability, but also presents himself to women to be accepted or rejected. It doesn't make any sense. Men do the accepting and rejecting, that's why women (much of them anyway) are so naturally insecure about their appearance and the what people think of them socially. It only makes sense that a woman would have the body, and the looks to attract a man, because it is up to him to accept or not. Women are not good at picking mates. Us diluted males ascribe godlikeness to women due to their beauty and intellect, and we present ourselves to them like ripe sheep for the slaughter (rejection). We try so hard to be nice, because we think that "nice" will certainly get us accepted. Then we can unleash all of our control, and suck her in once she's trapped. Quite frankly, there aren't too many nice guys, LOL. Nice guys sit around waiting to be picked or not, and act as if it is a virtuous act while doing so. Nice guys aren't usually all that nice most of the time, really. They are usually controlling once the relationship gets deep, and quite insecure. However, the fun-boys "bad boys," aren't nice either. They want what they want, just like the nice guy, but they go and take it, selfishly, and don't care about the feelings of women. Women are attracted to them because the "appear" confident. But it is a front. They deal with their problems through their front. Notice the average nice guy usually isn't in the attractive bracket as far as men go, but bad boys often do fit in that bracket, at least somewhat, or in some way. The reason the bad boy is the bad boy, is because he knows women are attracted to him. That's what makes him confident. Nice men try to rely on the fact that they might be able to provide security, or their groveling sweetness to attract and "keep" women. They try and "bait and net" them so to say, through emotional, and intellectual fishing -no body wants to be manipulated-. Bad boys usually approach more women, which makes it also obvious. Women, although they wont admit it, take rejection way seriously, so it is usually up to the guy to overcome his fear instead. It is more like the bad boy to do so, and accost women first. So, he gets more girls. The other thing is the looks factor again. I hear it all the time, "Girls aren't as attracted to men physically as a man is to a woman": BULL S___! That's something a "nice guy" made up. Women already desire the good looking guy to begin with, so if he approaches her, chances are he'll have good fortune. The good guy always has to come up with some scheme. The only other thing is not to be, or look a way that embarrasses a woman socially, cause that seems to be very important to them: Their friends opinions are often important too. The have ideals just like you do. As for the choosing, think about it this way: Let's say that our society was different, the women accost the men. All the girls that were very sweet, and trying to fool, or just charm you with their niceness to take you home, you would reject, especially if you saw that there were about "10" minimum, women, in the last week, who were both attractive and flirtatious with you. You'd do the same thing they do. The only biological factor here is attractiveness. We humans are big on this, male or female. You don't see candy sold in homely looking wrappers do you. Men act like women are not allowed to want to just enjoy the man physically, who they want to be with, so men make up all kinds of excuses why, or why not. Oh, it must be biology, or evolution, or stability, she can sense my aura, women can spot confidence, they took lessons from Yoda, or some kind of crap like that. I say, if you're an unattractive guy, stop telling yourself that you're so good in character compared to that good looking prick next door, who gets all the girls, but doesn't treat them right, and just settle for someone who loves you, and love her back damnit! Using "goodness" to lure and manipulate isn't good at all; and stop calling the guys that are attractive, "bad boys" because they get all the women in the bracket that you want. "Bad boys"...Just thank your genetics that you are handsome, but remember to find someone who loves you, and love them back. Cause one day, "nice guys," and "bad boys" alike are gonna get old, and ugly, and croke. So, just find someone to love, and treat them with respect, and the best you can; don't take them for granted. Nice guys can always go to the gym too, and get a "bad boy" body. So, don't worry about it. If you don't want her to manipulate you for money, then don't manipulate her to have sex, or be with someone she just plainly doesn't find attractive. Move on! Just find someone to share mutual love with, where you meet each other's standards and expectations. Simply......

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

john — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 03:15:48 -0000

A quoi ça sert l’amour? [related to OP]

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Jayemel — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:11:55 -0000

Amber,

You missed the point. The point is that the "nice guy" that you claim is being exalted by this blog entry is actually a cultural myth.

I would assert that the solution is much simpler. The problem with the dichotomy is the definitions. "Nice guy" has come to equal "pushover/wuss". "Bad ass/desirable guy" has come to equal "asshole/jerk/partier/overly violent/etc." These definitions over simplify what it means to be "nice" and "attractive."

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Amber — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:50:38 -0000

i don't mean to sound rude, but i think your "nice guys" synopsis is a total crock of bullshit.

first of all, i would argue that the gender norms you invoke are social as opposed to biologically-influenced. i believe the concept of a woman who wants a Big Strong Man To Protect Her as opposed to the Weak Sniveling Man Who Worships Her is just as polarizing and problematic as saying that women are biologically programmed to prefer the muscle-bound clod over the skinny artist dude.

i'm not arguing that humans aren't animals; i am arguing that sometimes the woman DOES end up with the dork who worships her, and biology isn't at the root of the 'nice guy' pathos.

this 'nice guy' crap is wholly rooted in misogyny - there has to be something horribly wrong with the woman because her weak, skewed, female judgement forces her to want the guy SHE wants and not the one being nice to her, or the most 'deserving' of her. it implies that women lack the good sense to like who they want to like, because silly them, the less attractive guy is always the perfect one.

life isn't a 1950's movie.

you don't hear of 'nice girls' not being able to get the guy half as much as you hear the nice guy's tale of woe, and it irritates me. you're attracted who you're attracted to. if the person you care about doesn't return your feelings, spend your time on someone a little worthy. don't translate it to, "these silly women don't know what's good for them! must be biology!"

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

AVP — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 09:27:32 -0000

Screw what women think,focus on your life.
Work for yourself,get a "I dont give a damn" attitude to women and you will be hounded by them no matter how you look.
Women..... why do they exist?

Cheers.

Re: The Nice Guy Paradox [Solved]

Ed the Emo — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:56:50 -0000

I wish this were true, but simply put I'm a whiny little emo and I still manage to get my fair share of the women.